A few weeks ago I bought my first set of "grown up" sheets. I saw them at Target. Thomas O'Brien vintage collection, gray, and they matched my bedding just perfectly. Admittedly my $12 Wal Mart fitted sheet had been washed to the point that the elastic didn't have any more stretch to give and the flat sheet...well, let's not talk about that. But as far as the ol' budget goes sheets are not at the top of the mad money priority list.
So I picked them up. And I put them down. And I walked down the aisle, turned around. Picked them up, put them down, looked at the price, walked away. I looked at cosmetics, went back to bedding. Picked them up, put them down. Put them in my cart. Mentally balanced my check book. Walked away. Brought them back. PUT THEM AWAY. Picked them up. Bought them. Walked to the car. Immediately had buyer's remorse. Wanted to return them. Kept them and as I peeled off those ugly, old, thread bare, discount sheets I realized how crazy I probably looked to everyone in Target and how I should have done this MONTHS ago. I was frustrated with myself for giving myself such a hard time for making a purchase that while slightly frivolous bordered on the 'need to buy' category.
And ever since that moment I have been writing this post in my head. I know that I am not the only woman who does this to herself. And why? Why do we do this? And I realized it is because of this ridiculous and contentious need to be everything to everyone all the time.
Well I am not. And I am not going to feel inadequate or selfish over sheets. Or over women who are more beautiful than me. Or over trying desperately to find that balance between not enough and too much in every situation that does or possibly could arise. We drive ourselves crazy over these small, trivial things. We make ourselves miserable over $75.00 sheets, unused coupons, and fingerprints on the coffee table. I can do what I can but I can't do it all and I want to teach myself that I don't have to.
I am thankful for what I am. Strong, smart, independent, funny, compassionate, and open hearted. I want to embrace what I know to be true and stop obsessing and expending unimaginable amounts of time and energy so that people (who are going to think what they are going to think regardless) will like me more. I am likable for exactly who I am today. I am worthy of friendship, love, and happiness for exactly what I am right now.
So let's let them talk. And let's be more thankful for who we are than guilty for what we are not.
The seed of the happiness that is steeped in content can only begin to grow if you find it in your heart to let it.
