Craigslist: The Bane of Existence.

It is no secret that I love to peruse craigslist. It can provide hours of free, mindless entertainment at the click of a button. I know that there are several websites dedicated to "The Best of Craigslist" and today I feel the need to discuss why I believe that at times, craigslist is in fact, the bane of existence.

Yesterday I was clicking through CL personals and saw this little nugget of intelligence:

Hi am27 5'9 In shape. Been divorced for 3 years now looking to get married again. Iam in the military been in for 8 years. I live alone with my dog. I like kids what some soon. Am looking for someone that has motivation. Please do not be over weight sorry not trying to be mean but u have to have standers in life. I love riding dirt bikes and quads, shooting guns also like to just chill and cuddle up watch a movie with a girl. Please put eye color in the title and your pic gets mine.

First of all I noticed that this person is not a fan of complete sentences. He needs a lesson in fragments and sentence variation. I told you I hate to be the grammar police because I know I make mistakes too but, "I like kids what some soon"? Is that even English? However my favorite part comes a few moronic sentences later; "Please do not be over weight sorry not trying to be mean but u have to have standers in life" . Why on God's green earth would take the time to type "do not" instead of "don't" and then use "u" instead of "you"? And I am sorry but what the hell is a stander? Don't get me started on the fact that you are looking for a girlfriend on Craigslist. Cars, pets, apartments, and oh yes, girls...but sorry, my standards usually include someone who can spell the word standard. SOUND IT OUT. I am not even offended by the fact that he sounds completely shallow what offends me is his inability to conjure a paragraph without 20 errors.

You may want to lower your standers...just saying.

This one is a big F-- (That's eff minus, minus for all you Strongbad fans)

Until next time, uphold those standers!

Sara

“God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.”-Voltaire

What do you get when you combine eating Yamatoya in the park on 40th Avenue, a movie, a sunset stroll in Campbell Creek and ice cream? After Sunday, I call it the perfect date evs. No really, evs.

And for all the days since I just can't be bothered with drama. Mine or anyone else's. I have a new goal-to handle everything (even more than I already do) with an incontrovertible sense of humor.

I may have stated this deep seeded belief previously but I feel it is an appropriate time to reiterate: I truly believe that you must, must, must be able to laugh at yourself. I told Oliver (my Sunday date) that I am smart but can sometimes be a bit of a moron. I guess you could say, he was warned. Maybe that is the wrong thing to tell someone on a first date but it just explains so much about the "awkward turtle" that rears its ugly head every so often with some previously rejected fragment of a thought and then turns to hide because, "I'm sorry, what was that." I say the silliest things.
This shortcoming like (most) all of my others is funny to me. Not only shouldn't you cry over spilled milk but you should clean it up laughing. After all "gravity is a bitch" is always the appropriate response to someone who asks you if you're losing it while you're hysterically laughing for no immediately apparent reason. Right?

The old adage that laughter is the best medicine...well, it's a cliche because it is true.

Laughter made my day today. It makes my day everyday.

Don't be afraid of laughter. Let it make your day.

Sara

X of Doom

I live in a place where the temperature has no concern for the clarity of the sky. A place where huge mountains stand guardian over vast wilderness: most of which is virtually untouched by the hand of man. People flock here from all over the world seeking adventure, peace, and awe. I know most will find it here because I do. Some find solace in the mountains, in the ocean, and some in the forest.

I find peace on the water. And last night I went there to think after I found out that Joe referred to me to people as the "x of doom." It really hurt my feelings. I have never been so upset-hurt and mad simultaneously. I have never had a panic attack before-but I think I might know how it feels now. I couldn't breathe, I was shaking, I was saying something that was probably completely melodramatic, and I had an urge to strike him that only the thought of the police getting involved quelled.

Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal. I am partly to blame...but given the chance wouldn't you look through your ex's phone? No? Well maybe the ex of doom sentiment is true in this case. But when someone tells you "I will always love you" and "this isn't it for us" you hold out some semblance of hope. Then you wonder why he stops talking to you when you thought maybe, finally you were going to work something out.

Last night, after moving my things out of our beautiful house and seeing the horrible condition of the house, seeing myself referred to as the "x of doom" and reading text messages detailing very private and intimate things about myself to women I don't even know-yea, I was a wreck.

I went to the creek where we used to play as kids and sat for about half an hour. I cleared my head as much as possible and just listened to the sounds of the earth. There is a spot in the creek, maybe an unseen incline where every few seconds the water swishes louder than the other babbling. I felt so calm. The beauty of a river or a creek is something Disney's Pocahontas taught me when I was very young:

"What I love about rivers is, you can't step in the same river twice, the water's always changing always flowing. But people I guess can't live like that, we always pay the price. To be safe we lose our chance of ever knowing. JUST AROUND THE RIVER BEND!!"

I never thought a Disney song from a totally ridiculous adaption of Pocahontas' story could exactly encompass how I feel about my love of the water. I walked away from there feeling peaceful. And chuckling.

I know you are probably wishing I would get to the point now and I am getting there, believe me.

The point is I am thinking of getting personalized license plates for my new car . "XODOOM" is available. I checked when I got home.

Sincerely,

X of DOOM

UGH! What an ass. :o)

As You Wish.

Nothing breaks the monotony like spending a lot of money on something you do not necessarily need. So I needn't tell most of you that my totally random nature has led me to the purchase of a new car. I bought a 2011 Honda Accord. It's the first car I bought by myself. I went to the dealership by myself.

And I realize, even in the excitement, that it's really over. I am not a kid anymore. I am making my own decisions. Building my own life. And while advice is sometimes nice, it's not necessary. It's not an order. I am responsible for my own life. That's a tall order! I know this may seem like a late revelation. I mean, really, I am almost 24-I have been on my own for going on 6 years. But the weight of my decisions is sometimes very heavy thus the blog on the magic 8 ball. I joke a lot...but it's scary to have no one to blame for your decisions but yourself. Isn't that a terrible way of looking at it? I am such a pessimist. Ooops realist!

I know it may seem like I am blathering on but it is hard for me to put this into words. Me? Without words? Inconceivable! And while that might not mean what I think it means (Princess Bride reference, hello) the fact remains that I did something today because I could. Because I wanted to. And because I am blessed enough to be able to. I never do anything just because I can. It's months of agonizing. Am I making the right choice? The wrong one? Is there a better one? Indecision consumes. I have wanted this car for a long time. Actually acting on it-well, I never thought I would.

Okay, so according to my dad I could have bought a "fleet of Ford Fiestas" for the price of my car. I won't say he's wrong-but who wants to have a bunch of Fiestas? Actually, don't answer that. I know he is jealous of my mad car picking out skills.

At any rate there is something to be said for a well thought out decision. But there is also something to be said for not wasting so much time not choosing. When I think of how much life I wasted making a conscience choice to just not choose right now, I cringe. Right, wrong, indifferent, the choosing feels great. There is healing in trusting yourself enough to make the right decisions.  Maybe it leads me on a path careening toward destruction but maybe it leads to an amazing meadow with a glittering Edward Cullen...

No matter what you choose the freedom to do so is a beautiful gift.

Choose wisely, but just do it already!

Bye. by, buy. Like N'sync...except not.

This entry, like many is brought to you by the letter E. E is for elephant but also for Erika who has inspired this particular posting. (No, that is not a fat joke) and the number 10 because that's where this post is on the honesty scale.

I have Sesame Streeted* my introduction today because I want to talk about a little thing I like to call the "grammar police". The English language is almost as ridiculous as I am. Who can keep up? You're, your, their, there, they're, by, buy, bye, too, to, two. "I" comes before "e" except after "c" and this list of 264 exceptions? A silent "k"? A silent "p"? "PH" makes the same sound as "f"? Who came up with this load of bull?

Unfortunately for us the English language hasn't changed much since we learned it so there really is know excuse for not nowing that you're is the conjunction (junction what's your function) for you are. No it's not, I lied! I only said that because I really wanted to make a School House Rock reference. You're is actually a contraction for you are. I do not want to go to you're house. I want to go to your house. Make sense? Eh? No. Great. Here is the situation: I am not asking that you be a grammatical or literary genius. I am only asking that you know that the word "no" as in negative is not spelled "noe", the word "was" does not have a "z" in it; or a "u" for that matter, and this may come as a shock but there is a difference between there and their.

We all have our weaknesses. I for instance will never fully comprehend the difference between affect and effect and I use a lot of unnecessary commas. I can however make a match.com profile that does not look like a middle school student broke into my computer and thought it would be "real funny" to type something that kind of makes me look like a "d-bag". Just saying. 

While this post was a little mean, I just want to let everyone know that it is actually a little important to try to use words properly. If you can't know the different between too and to, how are you going to pen a resume?

For your learning pleasure I offer the following definitions in my own words:

Sesame Streeted (verb): to bring entertainment to a person or group of people sponsored by a letter or a number.
Your: a reference to something belonging to another. "What's your sign?"
You're: a contraction for you are. "You're a very good blogger, Sara"
To: is a preposition. We won't even get into that. I know how to use it; that should be enough. The only thing you need to know about to is that it is cheating to use this word in scrabble. Also, "to" loves verbs.
Too: this is the correct "too" to use instead of "also" (ie. I want to go too) Too is also used before adjectives to describe something that is in excess (as in: you can never be too rich, too thin, or too far down on the table. Yep, I went there)
There: a place. "She is over there"
Their: possessive-belonging to someone. "I went to their house"
They're: contraction for they are. "They're planning a sick party."
Buy: purchase. "I like to buy a lot of cheese"
By: another preposition. Basically it means next to. Kind of. Just go with it; you should know how to use this one by now.
Bye: see ya.

No really, I am out.