Something Real.

I burst into tears at the bank today.

I was calm when I handed the teller my 8 one dollar bills. Even though I felt stupid, awkward, and poor I attempted small talk. I wondered if she thought it was odd that I had braved below zero temperature and frigid wind to come into the bank to deposit $8 into my account. It didn't cross my mind that she has probably seen it all before; especially in this economy. She has heard every sob story, excuse and bad word in the book. But I didn't tell a story. I simply handed her George Washington's green, folded face and realized that I was handing her the last 8 dollars I would have for two weeks because once the pending payment cleared I would have 38 cents in my account. And that's when I felt my eyes prickle like a thousand pounds of stress was forcing water out of my tear ducts. Suddenly. Dramatically. Strangely. Like life just came running at me and I opened my arms to embrace it and instead it started plucking my eyebrows.

I questioned every dollar I had spent in the last 30 days, 60 days, year. And before I could make a scene I thanked the bewildered banker, she waved the receipt at me and asked if I wanted it. I said no, gathered my remaining dignity and walked out the door.

I called a friend and spoke to her. She's been there. Most all young people have. That point in your life where you're at the precipice of financial freedom and you realize that you're Jim Carey in the Truman Show and the mountain wasn't even real.

And at the end of the day I ask myself what is; what is real? What sustains when emotionally exhausted, financially stretched, and marooned in the arctic with Ke$ha stuck in my head feels like the only place I will ever be?

The fact is the only bill I did not pay this month is my garbage bill and it isn't as though they are going to repossess my trash. The fact is I have been blessed beyond deserving. The fact is that at the end of the day when I ask myself what's real I know that the answer is this. This savior. This love. This country. This family. These friendships. And I can't despair because I shouldn't because I have this.
And this is bigger than any bank account. Because this is what sustains me from the inside when things fall away. This is more important than any treasury note or piece of gold. This is love, my blessings. This is the antecedent to all things that are real.

I have HOPE and I wish you enough "this" that you have lots of that.

Romans 5:3-4

³ Not only so, but we^[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Socks to Dog Hair in 30 Seconds or Less!

Welcome to the first edition of "Thought Thesaurus Thursday"! Everyone knows that a thesaurus is a prehistoric dinosaur that roamed the earth separating their belongings into piles of like-items and searching for greater purpose. Back then it was not the canine but the thesaurus that was a man's best friend. Today, long after the extinction of the thesaurus, we have created a system of grouping similar words together as they apply to the subject diction. For example the word walk has many synonyms such as gait, hike, jaunt and antonyms such as run, race, etc. So in a Thesaurus under the entry "walk" you would find a list of opposite and like words.

BUT if you look up thesaurus in the dictionary one of the definitions is (and I am paraphrasing here): a comprehensive list of a bunch of stuff as it relates to a certain subject.

So Thought Thesaurus Thursday is a comprehensive list of the things I think "one minute inside a woman's head" style. So here goes:

I woke up this morning and began to get ready for work. I put on my shoes and realized that my socks were just a bit too thick and so I went to change my socks when the following thought process ensued.

I hate wearing socks. I wish that I could just spend the day with my toes in the sand. In the sun. It's so hot in Hawaii today. Oh to be on Maui. Where are my black dress socks. Oh yes, there they are. Where was I? Oh in Hawaii. So hot. The beach sounds so nice right now. I only have one more pair of black socks clean. I need to do laundry. I need to clean my room. We were never meant to live in 15 below zero. This is just ridiculous. I have to start my car. Where is my car key? My gas bill was so high this month. What bills do I still need to pay. Well I have this much in my account minus the water bill, that was 25 dollars, and I paid the electric and the gas, my insurance comes out on the tenth so then I will have how much in my account? well 25+140+100 is 275ish and subtract that fro..... UGH why does Jessie leave the TV on when she leaves for the bus stop, and for the matter why is there dog hair on the floor!, Does he EVER stop shedding it's the middle of winter. Seriously, I really hate that. Okay I am late I really have to go.

And THAT is how you get from socks to dog hair in 30 seconds.

Sara

Something New

I have an idea. Yes, scary!

Here is the backstory to my idea:

I am in love with the book "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven" it is such a poignant story and the last line of the book is:

Each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one.

I believe this to be especially true. That people do have a real effect on each other whether they know it or not and it is so important to share our stories; sometimes for laughter-sometimes for inspiration or encouragement. And in the spirit of that I created a new blog that is open for posting to everyone. To tell your story, post your poem, or just vent about some encountered absurdity. You can post anonymously, identify yourself with a pen name, or don't hide who you are at all.

Here is what you do:

go to 2cns.blogspot.com
sign in on the top bar
EMAIL/USERNAME: 2centsandsensibility@gmail.com
PASSWORD: Cents123

Click on "NEW POST" and tell your story, share your advice, write whatever you want.

There is only ONE rule: BE CLASSY!

I hope this works because I am really excited about it. Even if you don't think you're much of a writer, please post; I want to know what you have to say.

Happy Posting!

I learned.

2011 got off to a rocky start. An overwhelming and devastating break up that changed life as I knew it was sure to discolor the next 12 months but while 2011 was outwardly mediocre at best it was inwardly a most important year, maybe the most important of my life.

A year that I spent questioning who I was and who I would be. Comparing that to who I want to be. Making the changes I needed to and convincing myself that I deserve to be human; that the mistakes I have made were (mostly) worth making. Sometimes the person you need to forgive the most is yourself. And when you're able to do that the days you were letting pass by in regret; watching as if bored suddenly spring up to meet you and the path that you thought you were walking alone is suddenly filled with people who have loved you even when you haven't reciprocated with enough time, credit, or love. A path that you thought was filled with despair is filled with hope and that is when I....

....learned the value of good friendships. How important it is to support people and how much I need my best friends. I need to be their ear and their shoulder and I love that I can always trust them to be mine. Women I love like family; who I would do anything for.

I learned that it is not foolish to trust people. I don't want to live in a state of jade. I want to always laugh, always sing made up songs, and feel with an untainted heart.

I learned that some people will take advantage; take as much rope as you give them and then hang you with it. These people do not usually know that they are doing; they are human too. So I have let them be and see that I never really wanted them in my life to start with.

I learned that I actually like myself. Sure I am not the paradigm of the proverbial woman and my antics sometimes flirt with obnoxious BUT I am clever and smart, ridiculous, steadfast, silly, caring, hard working, happy, and filled with hope.
I am hoping 2012 will be the year that I finally seal the cracks, accomplish my goals, and become the woman I want to be. Every day you choose who you want to be. I can see clearly who that is now and I can't wait. Bring it on 2012!

Happy New Year!