I love the gym: Shutting up the crazy lady.

"I <3 the gym" was my status update on facebook yesterday. I never thought such a statement might actually be true. But it is, 100%. Here is my story of how I came to this conclusion:

Once upon a time in a class a office building in the city I was speaking to a very intelligent executive assistant (off the record of course). I was bitching-and I use that word because that really is the only thing it could be called-about how I am forever taking things the wrong way and how I am constantly, always, perpetually thinking about everything all the time. A constant, never ceasing, flow of lists and questions: Did I turn off my hair straightener, did I schedule that appointment, did I lock the door, what does he think of me, he hates me, maybe he loves me, why did he do that, what is my mom doing, I am doing a terrible job, these pants make me look huge, everything makes me look huge, I shouldn't have eaten that, why did I do that, I am so dumb, when is Erika's birthday...

You get the idea.

Well, in this particular discussion with said executive assistant I was stating my feelings about how I often automatically assume the worst in an iffy situation. She told me that the only way to shut up the crazy lady in my head was by eating or exercising. Which was-and I say this knowing it is cliche-it was funny because it is true. For the past 5 years I have been shutting up the crazy lady in my head with food. Sad.

Now, while I was composing this blog in my head in the shower at the gym this morning I thought that I should make a point to reassure the general public that I am not an abominable pit that sits watching hours of Days of Our Lives reruns on Soapnet while eating Ben and Jerry's and potato chips. I get up in the morning, I go to work, I do my job, I come home, I hang out with friends, go to the movies, buy shoes. Basically, I am a regular 23 year old woman.

But when I step on the scale I am horrified to see how much I have "let myself go."

I cringe, I throw up in my mouth a little bit, and I step off the scale. While I am not an abHOMINAL (haha @ Annie) pit, I do have a tendency to drown my emotions in a Hershey's bar and a bag of doritos; just to get a moment of clarity.

I am excited to announce that I have been able to find an alternative for an entire, full hour of clarity a day. At the gym. And I am totally and completely in love.

I have only been a member of the gym for two weeks. I am praying that my excitement doesn't wear off-but I don't think it will. It takes three weeks to make a habit. I have one more to go and with the way I feel I don't think I could say no.

I am going to confess to the world how much I weigh. I have lost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks and I am 238 pounds. Now, when you get done gagging please finish reading.

Here is to a year of losing 100 pounds. To a year of shutting down that part of my brain that always seems to say I am not good enough.

Until next time, shut up your crazy lady-go to the gym!

Sara

Get it together.

I haven't posted in awhile!

I am cursed when it comes to electronics. In a span of a few weeks I broke; the screen on my iPhone, the screen on my kindle, and my computer overheated and shut down. So...I have been a bit computerless. Bad news for me-but I know you don't give a shit!

I think you probably want to read my riveting description of heart break followed by lamentations about relationships. No? Great! I will talk about shoes, hose, and lingerie.


I will begin by saying that I get a high off of shopping. I think that might go into the OCD category and I try to allot only a certain amount of money to shopping each month and I stick to it most of the time. I don't have high credit card balances and I come out being (or masquerading as) a responsible adult.

It's not my fault. I like things. Now, before you get out your pitch forks and torches and start chasing me around the Kolosky Center, demanding my head please understand that I know that people are way more important than materials. It's only that I like to be surrounded by a room that looks nice. I like to wear clothes that are at least semi acceptable. I love undergarments that match, even if no one sees it. I adore a new pair of shoes. Now, if you have a dishwasher in the middle of your living room for weeks at a time and a refrigerator on your front porch you are not going to feel at home in my house. True story. If you live in a superman tee shirt and your pajama jeans-well, you get it by now.

I was having a conversation with my mom this morning about how one of my "love languages" is gifts. My mom said that is a fancy way of saying that I am materialistic. She's not wrong except that I am not selfish with my money or things. You need 20 bucks? Okay. You desperately need a new pair of shoes? Sure. I help out my friends. I donate to good will. I give to charity. You can borrow anything of mine. I would give my last penny to my best friends. But, if I have an extra $100.00 I am probably going to buy a bra that matches my underwear and I am going to loooove doing it.

There is something about getting up in the morning and putting on nice things that I thrive on. I feel better all day if I feel put together. That is why I wear heels in the dead of winter. That's why I did a face plant into the sidewalk at Erika's house when my heel got caught in between the boards of her porch. Anything to feel confident!

Maybe there is something wrong with me-but I don't think so. I like to buy things but I love to give them even more and that is the truest story of all. I get just as much of a thrill giving a gift I know someone will love as buying for myself. I like to get but I love to give. I am free with my time and money, unselfish with my emotions, and maybe just a little bit materialistic.

As Erika would say: It's just smelly paper.

<3 Sara