Something Real.

I burst into tears at the bank today.

I was calm when I handed the teller my 8 one dollar bills. Even though I felt stupid, awkward, and poor I attempted small talk. I wondered if she thought it was odd that I had braved below zero temperature and frigid wind to come into the bank to deposit $8 into my account. It didn't cross my mind that she has probably seen it all before; especially in this economy. She has heard every sob story, excuse and bad word in the book. But I didn't tell a story. I simply handed her George Washington's green, folded face and realized that I was handing her the last 8 dollars I would have for two weeks because once the pending payment cleared I would have 38 cents in my account. And that's when I felt my eyes prickle like a thousand pounds of stress was forcing water out of my tear ducts. Suddenly. Dramatically. Strangely. Like life just came running at me and I opened my arms to embrace it and instead it started plucking my eyebrows.

I questioned every dollar I had spent in the last 30 days, 60 days, year. And before I could make a scene I thanked the bewildered banker, she waved the receipt at me and asked if I wanted it. I said no, gathered my remaining dignity and walked out the door.

I called a friend and spoke to her. She's been there. Most all young people have. That point in your life where you're at the precipice of financial freedom and you realize that you're Jim Carey in the Truman Show and the mountain wasn't even real.

And at the end of the day I ask myself what is; what is real? What sustains when emotionally exhausted, financially stretched, and marooned in the arctic with Ke$ha stuck in my head feels like the only place I will ever be?

The fact is the only bill I did not pay this month is my garbage bill and it isn't as though they are going to repossess my trash. The fact is I have been blessed beyond deserving. The fact is that at the end of the day when I ask myself what's real I know that the answer is this. This savior. This love. This country. This family. These friendships. And I can't despair because I shouldn't because I have this.
And this is bigger than any bank account. Because this is what sustains me from the inside when things fall away. This is more important than any treasury note or piece of gold. This is love, my blessings. This is the antecedent to all things that are real.

I have HOPE and I wish you enough "this" that you have lots of that.

Romans 5:3-4

³ Not only so, but we^[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Socks to Dog Hair in 30 Seconds or Less!

Welcome to the first edition of "Thought Thesaurus Thursday"! Everyone knows that a thesaurus is a prehistoric dinosaur that roamed the earth separating their belongings into piles of like-items and searching for greater purpose. Back then it was not the canine but the thesaurus that was a man's best friend. Today, long after the extinction of the thesaurus, we have created a system of grouping similar words together as they apply to the subject diction. For example the word walk has many synonyms such as gait, hike, jaunt and antonyms such as run, race, etc. So in a Thesaurus under the entry "walk" you would find a list of opposite and like words.

BUT if you look up thesaurus in the dictionary one of the definitions is (and I am paraphrasing here): a comprehensive list of a bunch of stuff as it relates to a certain subject.

So Thought Thesaurus Thursday is a comprehensive list of the things I think "one minute inside a woman's head" style. So here goes:

I woke up this morning and began to get ready for work. I put on my shoes and realized that my socks were just a bit too thick and so I went to change my socks when the following thought process ensued.

I hate wearing socks. I wish that I could just spend the day with my toes in the sand. In the sun. It's so hot in Hawaii today. Oh to be on Maui. Where are my black dress socks. Oh yes, there they are. Where was I? Oh in Hawaii. So hot. The beach sounds so nice right now. I only have one more pair of black socks clean. I need to do laundry. I need to clean my room. We were never meant to live in 15 below zero. This is just ridiculous. I have to start my car. Where is my car key? My gas bill was so high this month. What bills do I still need to pay. Well I have this much in my account minus the water bill, that was 25 dollars, and I paid the electric and the gas, my insurance comes out on the tenth so then I will have how much in my account? well 25+140+100 is 275ish and subtract that fro..... UGH why does Jessie leave the TV on when she leaves for the bus stop, and for the matter why is there dog hair on the floor!, Does he EVER stop shedding it's the middle of winter. Seriously, I really hate that. Okay I am late I really have to go.

And THAT is how you get from socks to dog hair in 30 seconds.

Sara

Something New

I have an idea. Yes, scary!

Here is the backstory to my idea:

I am in love with the book "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven" it is such a poignant story and the last line of the book is:

Each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one.

I believe this to be especially true. That people do have a real effect on each other whether they know it or not and it is so important to share our stories; sometimes for laughter-sometimes for inspiration or encouragement. And in the spirit of that I created a new blog that is open for posting to everyone. To tell your story, post your poem, or just vent about some encountered absurdity. You can post anonymously, identify yourself with a pen name, or don't hide who you are at all.

Here is what you do:

go to 2cns.blogspot.com
sign in on the top bar
EMAIL/USERNAME: 2centsandsensibility@gmail.com
PASSWORD: Cents123

Click on "NEW POST" and tell your story, share your advice, write whatever you want.

There is only ONE rule: BE CLASSY!

I hope this works because I am really excited about it. Even if you don't think you're much of a writer, please post; I want to know what you have to say.

Happy Posting!

I learned.

2011 got off to a rocky start. An overwhelming and devastating break up that changed life as I knew it was sure to discolor the next 12 months but while 2011 was outwardly mediocre at best it was inwardly a most important year, maybe the most important of my life.

A year that I spent questioning who I was and who I would be. Comparing that to who I want to be. Making the changes I needed to and convincing myself that I deserve to be human; that the mistakes I have made were (mostly) worth making. Sometimes the person you need to forgive the most is yourself. And when you're able to do that the days you were letting pass by in regret; watching as if bored suddenly spring up to meet you and the path that you thought you were walking alone is suddenly filled with people who have loved you even when you haven't reciprocated with enough time, credit, or love. A path that you thought was filled with despair is filled with hope and that is when I....

....learned the value of good friendships. How important it is to support people and how much I need my best friends. I need to be their ear and their shoulder and I love that I can always trust them to be mine. Women I love like family; who I would do anything for.

I learned that it is not foolish to trust people. I don't want to live in a state of jade. I want to always laugh, always sing made up songs, and feel with an untainted heart.

I learned that some people will take advantage; take as much rope as you give them and then hang you with it. These people do not usually know that they are doing; they are human too. So I have let them be and see that I never really wanted them in my life to start with.

I learned that I actually like myself. Sure I am not the paradigm of the proverbial woman and my antics sometimes flirt with obnoxious BUT I am clever and smart, ridiculous, steadfast, silly, caring, hard working, happy, and filled with hope.
I am hoping 2012 will be the year that I finally seal the cracks, accomplish my goals, and become the woman I want to be. Every day you choose who you want to be. I can see clearly who that is now and I can't wait. Bring it on 2012!

Happy New Year!

I am like a TV series; new entries beginning January 1!

I am too full of junk food and excited for Christmas to write too much profoundness.

Christmas is in 9 days according to the date-keeping snowman on the shelf in the kitchen, I am almost done Christmas shopping, and I am SO excited to spend time with my friends and family. I have no especially important wisdom to bestow regarding Christmas except this:

We all "know" that Christmas is about the birth of Christ. Even though scholars say that Jesus was not in fact born in December at all and it is only celebrated in December because it was easier for pagans to convert if Christian holidays were observed during the holidays of those pagans. Christmas falls at the same time as "bruma" or the winter solstice. But to me it is really neither here nor there and while I will not get into the politics of Christmas because it makes me sad and disappointed at the world I will say that I believe. I am so thankful for the promise and subsequent birth of our savior, thankful that I will spend eternity in heaven, and thankful for the sacrifice that the Lord made that while we were yet sinners he died for us. I celebrate on December 25th to thank Him for all my blessings big and small.

In the spirit of giving and the knowledge that I have been given resources, love, and life in abundance I wish a Merry Christmas to you and your family.

May The LORD bless thee, and keep thee (Numbers 6:24)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year; see you in 2012!

Sara

Okay Friends!!

It is almost the end of the year (EGADS!) And the one year anniversary of this here blog...here. Okay, I can't be redneck even when I try!

The purpose of this little diddy is to kindly ask my readers the following:

What do you want my commentary on in the following year; what do you want to read?
What was your favorite entry this year?
I want to start doing a weekly advice entry (with guest writers to help solve all of your life's problems!) So I need some people to give advice to!

What I would love (seriously love!) for you to do: comment here, comment on the link I will post to my facebook, or message me on Facebook. Send me your questions, concerns, comments, criticism, etc.

Cannot wait to here (hehe) from you!

I am totally stunned by the ability of certain people to abjectly disregard social awareness.

I will not get into details here but I have been faced with several situations lately where the following has applied:

Just because I handled myself wrong doesn't mean I was wrong.

And in that thinking I am desperately trying to both handle myself well and be right... :o) Not really; but I am literally begging the question of which is better: Being right and proving it with pithy, sarcastic and/or snotty dialogue or handling myself with grace and class so that I am never thought a fool when I am wrong or thought immature in vindication.

But it is SO frustrating because so many people have the uncanny ability to abjectly disregard social awareness. AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH MYSELF IN THE FACE!

Rude, lazy, filthy, crass, immoral, deplorable. Women who lie, cheat, and steal. Selfish women. Women who mistreat their husbands or boyfriends because they have been taught by society that it's not only funny but acceptable. It can all be too much for our sensibilities to bear!

I am not perfect. Not by any stretch of the imagination but I TRY. I try to maintain some modicum of ladylike-ness. I am horrified by women who don't have a desire to be somewhat socially aware.

Because being graceful is very often even sweeter than being right; it is nearly impossible to find fault in class. This is not to say we allow others to walk all over us. We find satisfaction in saying what needs to be said kindly and with love. We are not rugs!

So, this is for all the wonderful and socially aware women I know. Because we know that it is especially important in today's world to be what so many people are not. And because we have all known at least one female who takes us to the edge of our patience, wears our social graces to the breaking point, and tests our class to the point that we need a very good friend to tell us to calm ourselves, reach inside, and be the lovely person that is inside every careful woman.

Classy women never lose their dignity.

Stay classy. It really is important.