I know I have been seriously slacking on my bloggage. I have been having a thought infestation problem and every time I try to write the words don't come out right. And I scrap it and my ADD moves me on to something else.
I have been feeling trepedatious at best and having an impossible time trying to figure out why. Why. What a question; one of the first we ask and the only one we will never answer. Why. So much power in those 3 letters. Why is infuriating and freeing. Why is binding and amazing.
And then in a quiet moment you hear it. Not in a Moses-ey, burning bush, 10 commandment way. Not in a thundery, Zeusy way. In a feeling deep in your heart. You know what it is you are meant to do. It's not an answer to why; in fact it begs the question itself. A feeling more than a voice, a warning, or a command. Like if your body just moves in the called direction you will never regret it.
Don't. Stay. Go. Act.
And if we were more honest when we say "I don't know." we would actually say, "I know but I am not ready to listen." If we were more honest we could say that before every big mistake we smothered conscience with a buffalo sized pillow and told ourselves that it would all be okay. Everything works out in the end. And it does usually. And changed we walk our path wondering who we would be if we hadn't made that exact decision that we were "told" not to.
But mistakes can be so sweet and if I hadn't made these ones I'd have made others. But I am scared. I am scared I will never find my Jerry because we have scarred ourselves into not being right for each other. Our choices have moved us so far apart that we can never find each other.
And then I hear that stirring in my heart; that if I would just do the things I know I should then everything would fall into place.
Instead of asking why I am going to start asking WHAT. "What" I can do something about; why just sends me into an angry hate spiral.
Ask what, not why. And then listen. That is my one month late resolution.
No comments:
Post a Comment