Male Refrigerator Blindness vs. Female Bag Excavation Syndrome

Every woman who has ever lived with a man knows about the disease that is being called the "Male Refrigerator Blindness" pandemic. In the early stages of this disease men become disoriented upon opening the fridge and will call you to the kitchen and ask you to point out the location of some form of nourishment that is right in front of their face. These symptoms will quickly progress into questions such as "where are my shoes that you don't wear" and "have you seen my green boxers with The Hulk on them". In the final stages of this disease he will begin to query about the final resting place of various tools. They tend to ask specifically about items when they know you have no idea what they are.

Please note that this is an incurable disease but is nothing compared to the female version of this sickness which is far worse because of its perpetual, never ceasing symptoms. This is called "Female Bag Excavation Syndrome" or "FBES". I suffer from the sickness. Please let me explain what a typical afternoon looks like for a sufferer of FBES.

I just unthinkingly dropped my keys into my purse after locking up the office and now I am standing by my car in the freezing cold wondering how my keys could possibly be any place except on the very top of the abyss. I shake my bag. I do not hear them. I shake my bag again...nothing. So I begin to pull things out and stash them in my armpits and pockets until finally beneath my wallet, sunglasses, a Target receipt from Christmas of 2009, a rolled up straw wrapper from Subway, and a french fry I find my keys nestled in a bed of seven pennies, two quarters, and a lip gloss that I thought I'd lost.

I am sorry to say that there is not help for this and it will get worse as your life changes. There comes a time where you may have a purse, diaper bag, and a gym bag all at the same time.

There is no explanation for this phenomenon. The only comfort is knowing that when you get to heaven the video of your life will not be the only one that shows 25% of your time engaged in some sort of bag extraction.

If you would like to look at this from an optimistic standpoint-even if you're an odd person-at least you know every other girl spends copious amounts of time trying to unearth their keys too.

Until next time, keep digging!

Sara