The Problem With Skinny Jeans is You're Not Skinny.

This is a public service announcement for all my fellow voluptuous vixens. The problem with skinny jeans is you are not skinny. It’s okay. It is. Yes you are beautiful. Yes you are fabulous. Yes you can still rock high heels and a pencil skirt. However; skinny jeans. Are. Not. Your. Friend.

Want to make your butt look even bigger? Get a pair. But if I see one more big girl looking like Conan O’Brien did in those jeggings I am going to die. Seriously die. Skinny jeans only look cute on models and celebrities who have massive amounts of cash and liposuction. I do not have massive amounts of cash, long legs, liposuction, or the waistline of a 5 year old so I do not reach for the SJs. I go bootcut. I am definitely not What Not to Wear’s Stacey but I want to say that if you have a desert animal between your legs ( I can’t even type it-it grosses me out that much) your pants are too tight.

Do you know who makes a fabulous jean in plus sizes? Silver. Torrid sells them and they are a little on the expensive side but they last forever, they are super cute, and you won’t have to dress up your fat roll with a pretty pink belt.

Also, if you are under 5’8” ish and you decide a pair of skinny jeans are for you do not, I repeat do not, wear them with flats. You look like you are in grade school.


If all else fails, I know you own a mirror. If you don't own a mirror I am not sure where you live but skinny jeans are the least of your problems.