Fair warning: If you are looking for laughs, start with yesterday's post.
For those that still remain the following words are written as "breaking up is hard to do and other cliches" type stuff.
When I am sitting in a mediation room: me, him, and a mediator and the last 5 months of mind altering absurdity is coming to a head, all I could think of was being in Ireland. I have never been but as he was divulging intimate details about our relationship to a complete stranger I was in a pub drinking a beer.The door was open, the breeze was fresh, and the band was great. I frequent this place. I conjure it in the worst moments. A Gerard Butler a la PS I Love You type approaches me and I instantly know this is the man I am going to spend my life with.
Except I am not in Ireland. My eyes are staring out of focus at a brochure titled "Divorcing with Dignity". The table is obnoxiously wobbly. I wonder how long he has been talking. I wonder how we got here. I am not sitting with Gerard but with an ex boyfriend who is growing a strange, very thin mustache.
The illusion is shattered.
I don't want to fight. I want to be done. We make agreements. He asks "What about couple counseling?" I laugh hysterically. He takes it back. I just can't do it anymore. He doesn't uphold any of the agreements. He doesn't ever do anything. I cannot say I am surprised; isn't that why I broke up with him in the first place? He says what he knows will get to me.
After too much sugar, way too much caffeine, and far too many tears I know what I have to do. I have to do whatever I can to get him completely out of my life. For all the women out there who have wanted to leave but couldn't, didn't, haven't but should I have this to say: The leaving is messy, the ending is imperfect, and the result is being able to find true happiness. In yourself.
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen in their movie It Takes Two said it well, "I want that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, world series kind of love."
I'll drink to that. Now if only I could find my PS I Love You -esque man phase 2 would be complete.
Hello dear. I cannot tell you how badly I want to go to Ireland with you and oogle at hot men and melt over hot accents and giggle uncontrollably until our eyes water over many a good beer. I suppose we can do that last part any old place, but as for the rest of it - it WILL happen!! And I can't wait.
ReplyDeleteHave I told you lately that I love you?!? And that you're kind of awesome?
PS - God bless you, Olsen twins.