Best pickup line ever - 28 (Alaska)
I know you're excited as you very well should be but try to keep your lady garments on for the time being.
Let me start by telling you a little about me, I'm a 28 year old single white guy from Anchorage who by a stroke of life has found himself incarcerated in Kenai.
Unfortunately for me, but fortunate for you, the previous women in my life have lacked some of the fundamental characteristics that define a human being, things like a soul for example, nothing major. I would say they were about as useful as a woman without a vagina or if that's too offensive, a puke flavored jellybean (isn't that allegedly popcorn flavored?)
I think it goes without saying it can get kind of boring, lonely, and even a little depressing without contact from a woman. Unless you count the ladies who work here who are really more like souless soldiers of Satan.
I have a few pics on my facebook page to get you in the mood and if you're bored, lonely, intrigued or desperate or otherwise, I'd love to hear from you, unless of course you are the type of person who would criticize the spelling in a suicide note, then maybe you should consider counseling, which......I"d be willing to offer at a discounted price.
You can look me up on Facebook under Jason ************ to see some pics, but you'll have to write to me since I dont have internet access....
Jason ********************
Wildwood Correctional Complex
10 Chugach Way
Kenai, AK 99611
So here's the pickup line..."Walk up to a chick or dude at the bar and say "Did you invite all these people? I thought it was just going to be the two of us!"
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Okay! I will admit. I giggled a little bit at first and totally thought he was using the word incarcerated in a more hyperbolic sense and was expressing his feelings about being stuck in a small town. The further I read however the more apparent it became that he was not merely being clever with words and the more horrified I became so that by the end the BEST PICK UP LINE EVER didn't really even seem funny.
And then of course my spider senses were twitching and I just HAD to know what had landed our dear poster in the slammer. And he did do what he shouldn't have done; gave his last name. And so, Courtview being my good friend of many years didn't let me down. I know, I know....a rep sheet detailing 28 incidents does not mean 28 convictions but it would be hard to discount 2 DUIs, drug charges, numerous theft charges, domestic violence protection orders, and of course a ticket for forgetting to stop at a stop light.
I mean really, if it was a "stroke of life" that landed him in jail then my name is Mrs. Keebler and I am here to gather rainbows for my friend Lucky who makes pagan cereal.
I think he lacks fundamental human characteristics...like morals, sanity, or ability to discern the gravity of his decisions. I don't feel bad that he's lonely. I feel bad that they gave him so many chances to screw people over. I am not empathetic to his plight because from his ad it seems that he still does not recognize that he was wrong and thinks it's just a big joke. A stroke of life my right foot...a stroke of your thieving hand maybe.
I am just glad I can say that it appears no one is responding to his charming posts because when I exited CL and had to search for the ad again I saw that he had posted three times.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Keebler <3
Sara's disclaimer for offended people: I didn't go to the courthouse and pull each case. I have no idea the outcome of each case. All information was obtained through public information. :o)
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