I love the gym: Shutting up the crazy lady.

"I <3 the gym" was my status update on facebook yesterday. I never thought such a statement might actually be true. But it is, 100%. Here is my story of how I came to this conclusion:

Once upon a time in a class a office building in the city I was speaking to a very intelligent executive assistant (off the record of course). I was bitching-and I use that word because that really is the only thing it could be called-about how I am forever taking things the wrong way and how I am constantly, always, perpetually thinking about everything all the time. A constant, never ceasing, flow of lists and questions: Did I turn off my hair straightener, did I schedule that appointment, did I lock the door, what does he think of me, he hates me, maybe he loves me, why did he do that, what is my mom doing, I am doing a terrible job, these pants make me look huge, everything makes me look huge, I shouldn't have eaten that, why did I do that, I am so dumb, when is Erika's birthday...

You get the idea.

Well, in this particular discussion with said executive assistant I was stating my feelings about how I often automatically assume the worst in an iffy situation. She told me that the only way to shut up the crazy lady in my head was by eating or exercising. Which was-and I say this knowing it is cliche-it was funny because it is true. For the past 5 years I have been shutting up the crazy lady in my head with food. Sad.

Now, while I was composing this blog in my head in the shower at the gym this morning I thought that I should make a point to reassure the general public that I am not an abominable pit that sits watching hours of Days of Our Lives reruns on Soapnet while eating Ben and Jerry's and potato chips. I get up in the morning, I go to work, I do my job, I come home, I hang out with friends, go to the movies, buy shoes. Basically, I am a regular 23 year old woman.

But when I step on the scale I am horrified to see how much I have "let myself go."

I cringe, I throw up in my mouth a little bit, and I step off the scale. While I am not an abHOMINAL (haha @ Annie) pit, I do have a tendency to drown my emotions in a Hershey's bar and a bag of doritos; just to get a moment of clarity.

I am excited to announce that I have been able to find an alternative for an entire, full hour of clarity a day. At the gym. And I am totally and completely in love.

I have only been a member of the gym for two weeks. I am praying that my excitement doesn't wear off-but I don't think it will. It takes three weeks to make a habit. I have one more to go and with the way I feel I don't think I could say no.

I am going to confess to the world how much I weigh. I have lost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks and I am 238 pounds. Now, when you get done gagging please finish reading.

Here is to a year of losing 100 pounds. To a year of shutting down that part of my brain that always seems to say I am not good enough.

Until next time, shut up your crazy lady-go to the gym!

Sara